Attracts Crazy Like Moths To A Flame
by paintedallup
Summary: Lois/Bruce, Joker. A request to the prompt Arm Candy made by Brokengem.


"Your mad that I'm Batman?"

(_'Well, what was I expecting, confetti?_')

"No, Bruce, it's not that, not at all. I'm just sick of having all of my boyfriends turning out to be tight-wearing super-heroes it's getting just ridiculous!"

-

One day (filled with suits, one business, one pleasure and both black) which was just another day in the live of Bruce Wayne, or should I say _Batman_? Well, it was until she walked into my life.

(wearing Stilettos like she was made for them, back then I didn't know how right I was)

"Mr. Wayne, I'm Lois Lane reporter at the Daily Planet and I was wondering if I could get a moment of your time?"

She was all handshakes and politeness but I could see the passion of a reporter (and a _damn_ good one at that) crawling out, it was a caged tiger and in a matter of seconds it would be released on me and how naive I was to think it would be a baby one.

"For a beautiful woman like yourself I have all the time in the world, shoot away. I'm ready for anything."

And that was clear because with in a matter of minutes with her I was ready to finally move on (the '_Rachels_' in my head began to slowly turn to '_Lois_') from all that happened before and move on with the strange new creature before me.

-

It was stated from the very start that _one_, she was not one of the many hussies that were by my side in the past (not just a piece of arm candy for me to show off, just one to eat all by myself) and _two,_ I could try and tell her what to and about _ninety-nine percent _of the time she wouldn't follow a single word.

(that's my girl, the early days were always the best before her past came back to bite us in the ass, mine too)

It began as something that wasn't meant to last very long (her hate of super-heroes would have helped that) reporters and super-heroes are known not to work out as couples and besides that my enemies (Joker being the main one, the only one that I give a _damn_ about) are watching my every move and she's the prefect bait now, because if it was me for her I would take a deal in a _heartbeat_.

And that my friends is the problem that I spent too much time not thinking of before it happened (just like in the past, in a blasé of _flames_ and _white make-up_) just two days ago.

(after the '_I love yous_' were finally said with devious smiles after a day of saving the world with both actions and words)

-

"_I love you."_

Falling, and falling _hard_, is always the easy part (the part that is the least painless, all of them but _Smallville_) it's the part where all the fun begins and the '_I love yous_', moving in, and marriages are all in the future, only to be squashed by the many _break ups _which I am the queen of.

And also but of course I'm also the queen of heart-breaks.

(just ask the _heartbreaker_ himself, Clark Kent)

But in this case Bruce Wayne (the _bat-boy_ himself) is the first to complete the falling stage and even make it all the way to the moving in part of it all (and that is a _big_ first for me).

The whole '_moving in_' part (to the mansion that is bigger then all my past homes put together) will take place after my kidnapping is over and done with.

Oh, didn't I mention that at this very moment I'm being held by _Joker_ and his many stooges?

(_no_, sorry, knowing me and my habit of getting napped by the bad guys you would have guessed where I was, becoming Joker's new plaything, _oh joy_)

"Are we having any _fun_ yet, _Miss Lane_?"

And but of course the only day that my feet are missing the only deadly weapon I have, is the day I'm grabbed by make-up clad goons and dropped into a lair that looks like _Frankensteins_ lab and _Toys-R-Us_ mixed together.

"_Loads_ and _loads_, being tied to a freaking chair is just _so_ much fun."

This time my super-hero (whose name has changed from Superman to _Batman_, as you can see not that much of a change) doesn't run faster then a speeding bullet, so my chance of being a dead person with a forever smiling face has gone _way_ up but knowing Bruce he might be just around the corner ready to save the day in his very _own_ way.

(sadly killing the _crazy_ _son of a bitch_ was not one of them, maybe they aren't so different after all)

"Well, well looks like our _bat-friend_ picked another spunky little dish, and I must say he does have good taste. Too bad I stole it away from him before he could finish it, now it's _all_ mine."

Instead of him laughing (one day it might be the death of him, I bet laughing yourself into a coma is not very _funny_) which over the past five hours has been all he's done, it was my turn and I doubt the _jokester_ himself doesn't like another people laughing in his face.

(most villains that I've had the misfortune of running into don't like that one single bit, just ask _Zod_)

"I myself have a right to laugh (big and long, right from my _diaphragm_) since my plan is going off without bat-wings to muddle it, but what _my dear_ do you find so funny?"

(all of this was not funny in the slightest but the black form standing behind him with his many goons in piles on the floor was _oh-so_ funny)

"Well, _Joker_, old buddy, I find you headless (and lipless, so no more smiling for you) very, and I mean _very_ funny."

"_Damn_, and right when I was doing so well."

-

Yet another life-risking experience ended with my head still nice and safe on my shoulders, but this time I got to see and reward (with _lots_ and _lots of_ the kissing which he had been missing) him for all his heroics and the fact that this time there had been no causalities.

(unlike the many rescues with _Superman_, those always had to end with one person taking a dirt nap)

"I take that and that as _many_ thank yous, _Lois_, without you and your habit of being bait for the _criminally insane_ (even the _Riddler_ just couldn't resist, and just look at _Lex Luther_) the Joker and all the rest of them wouldn't be locked up in nice padded cells. You deserve thanks also."

That my friends is the last thing in the world you'd want to be thanked for but I'll take it (and all the _praise_ it gets me) and after all of those _sickos_ are locked up nice and tight because of the invisible perfume, which I don't even know about myself, that brings them to be like moths to a flame.

(even _Zod_ and _Lex Luther _both couldn't resist it, which is bad for me because just thinking of him makes me either want to smack someone, most likely _Smallville_ back then, or hurl)

"It's an _unwanted_ power, _but_ I'll take the thanks anyway."

(and those thanks come in the form of kissing, which he is so very good at, and saving my butt from another _crazy_ tomorrow)


End file.
